Happy Thoreau Day!

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That was the sound of my 4th of July as some stupid little cunt with a smart phone (does anyone under the age of 16 really need a fucking smart phone?) took a picture of EVERY SINGLE FUCKING FIREWORK that was shot off during a public fireworks display.

My intense hatred of Independence Day is well documented (http://theassholealert.blogspot.com/2010/07/fuck-independence-day.html) but unlike the rest of you whiny bitches out there, I find solutions for my problems. Thus, instead of celebrating Independence Day from here on out, I now celebrate THOREAU DAY!

Thoreau Day is a day meant to honor Henry David Thoreau, famed practitioner of transcendentalism and civil disobedience. July 4th coincides with the day he began his famous experiment at Walden Pond. If you are too fucking stupid to know who Thoreau is and why he deserves to be honored, please stop reading now and go watch a bunch of bright lights and loud noises in the sky like the rest of the retards in this country. For the enlightened few out there, read on...

Thoreau Day shall be celebrated in the following manner: First, no picnics, fireworks, or social gatherings of any kind. Instead, solitude and self-reflection are required. Americans will celebrate by reading their favorite passages from Walden or Civil Disobedience, preferably isolated in the splendor of nature.

Second, purchases of any kind are prohibited on Thoreau Day, which is a celebration of minimalism and simplicity. In fact, no one is allowed to work at all on Thoreau Day. All businesses must close on July 4th regardless of the service they provide...including hospitals. If you injure or maim yourself on Thoreau Day, you're fucked. It's your fault for being stupid enough to injure yourself on a fucking holiday, you dipshit. You're supposed to be reading in the woods!

Finally, Americans should spend Thoreau Day judging and criticizing the United States government. Evaluation sheets should be completed (in triplicate) and shared with intelligent associates on July 5th. If the government is found to be performing at a sub-par rate, taxes will not be paid the following April.

HAPPY THOREAU DAY!