Monday, August 3, 2009

Obamacare for Dummies


With all the talk of health care lately, lots of stupid people have asked me to explain the benefits and drawbacks of Obama’s universal health care plan. Allow me to do that for all of you who are too cool to be informed about a plan that could decide whether you live or die someday. Because it’s so complicated, I’ll simply cover the worst drawback and the best benefit of Obamacare.

Major Drawback: Some idiot from the state (with the intelligence of a chair) will decide whether you live or die.

One of the major drawbacks of a government-run health care system is that the entire system is run by the government. If you’re on the government plan and you get sick, a state employee will have to crunch the numbers to decide whether or not it is economically beneficial for you to continue living. If it’s not, then you don’t receive the treatment – it all comes down to the numbers. Therefore, the government literally holds your life in its bumbling, inefficient hands.

Major Benefit: Old and disabled people will die.

The major benefit of Obamacare is that thousands of useless members of the species will die. Since it’s not economically feasible to treat the elderly or the disabled, they’ll simply die off as nature intended. Human beings aren’t meant to live into their 80’s, 90’s, or 100’s, and they’re certainly not meant to live with half a brain and a tiny hand (Take my strong hand!). Instead of pumping these people full of pills and hooking them up to generators so they can cling to life for an extra decade or two, these people will be put down like dogs and I applaud the change. Once a human being can no longer perform manual labor, he or she is useless to the human race. If old people had any pride whatsoever, they would simply crawl under a neighbor’s porch and die to provide oxygen and other resources for younger members of the species.

An additional benefit of elderly and disabled people dying by the thousands is that Walmart will go out of business since all their employees will be dead.


Dumbed Down Version: Obamacare is good if you hate old people but bad if you are one.

1 comment:

  1. You are going to hell..I want you to know that and so does my grandmother...

    ReplyDelete